Everyone’s favorite houseguest who never left, Leon Black (played by award-winning comedian JB Smoove on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm) drops his wisdom and good-bad advice for the masses. Learn the secrets Larry David has gleaned from the Falstaff of television. Live your best Leon. Bring the Ruckus.
Aristotle. Gandhi. Lao Tzu. Dr. Ruth.
For centuries bespeckled dorks have pored over the scrolls of the ancients, read tea leaves, and looked to the stars for philosophy, wisdom, and advice. While some people have probably offered good advice, and others offer bad advice, Leon is here to offer his brand of good-bad advice. These are the musings of a master genius spitting out the secrets of the universe—to help you become just like him.
Be forewarned: in opening this tome and Leon’s mind, you need to be prepared for straight talk. The kind of unfiltered blunt straight talk that pounds on your door, invites itself in, makes itself at home, helps itself to your food, security pass code, your expensive organic beet juice, and finally makes itself comfortable on that twin bed in your guest room. All the while you think you’re helping it—but really it’s helping you help yourself!
The Book of Leon HE AIN’T WRONG . . . HE JUST AIN’T RIGHT Whoever you are and whatever your reasons, clearly you made the right damn decision to sit your ass down and read the most important book of your life! So, since you’re here, let’s begin.
You’re about to read a whole lot of shit in this book, and trust me, this knowledge isn’t for all of you, but I know for a fact that some of you will get what I’m talking about. “Who are those people?” you ask. If you have to ask, then it ain’t you, because those people know who the fuck they are!!!
Now, people have different ideas on where and how to start a story. Some people like to start in the middle by saying some shit that sounds weird because you don’t know what the fuck came before it. The problem with that is that if you don’t know where the fuck you’ve been, you’re gonna have a hard time figuring out where the hell you’re going. Other, more creative people like to start shit toward the end, then jump to the beginning and then wrap back around to the end again. You know what I’m talking about? It’s what they do in every movie about a singer. Movies about people like Ray Charles, James Brown, and—just so you don’t think I only watch movies about black people—Johnny Cash. All of those movies always start with a dude looking tired and old as fuck. Like we’re catching him a day and a half before he dies. He’s always sitting somewhere reflecting on his life as he stares at something like a clock or a glass of water or some shit. All of a sudden everything goes black for a second, and then across the screen we see the name of some tiny ass town like “Broken Foot, Alabama,” or “Chipped Tooth, Tennessee,” and a date from years ago. At this point, we know we are in a flashback, so we are treated to bits of that man’s tragic ass life, complete with all his fuck-ups. And then, like a flash, we see him old again. That’s what we see, but the part that we don’t get to see is that old ass man sitting there staring at a glass of water for two hours while people tap the fuck out of him to get him to snap out of it. That’s a movie I would like to see: the day James Brown’s concerned friends tapped the shit out of his shoulder for two damn hours. “James . . . James . . . James!”
Anyway, while I like that way of telling a story—I mean, they did that shit in Pulp Fiction too! I loved that movie! Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta! Playing hit men! Who the fuck doesn’t like Pulp Fiction? Besides I’m not trying to tell you my life’s story. I mean, I will be telling you some shit from my life, but not tragic shit and not for entertainment’s sake. I don’t need you judging my life. What the fuck do I look like?! Huh? What I share is for you to learn from, not to mock!
Look, I’ma tell you right now, I know a little about everything but not a whole lot about anything, so get from this book what you need and don’t complain to me about shit!
JB Smoove, who has played Leon Black on Curb Your Enthusiasm since season six, is a gifted writer, comedian, and actor, who continues to entertain audiences all over the world with his unique brand of comedic funk. He has appeared on The Chris Rock Show, starred in the cult classic movie Pootie Tang, was a cast member on Cedric the Entertainer Presents, and was a writer for Saturday Night Live (for which he won a 2007 Writers Guild award). His standup has been featured on numerous late night shows and he was the host of NBC’s Last Comic Standing. His MSG show, Four Courses with JB Smoove, is in its fourth season. On the big screen he has appeared in the films Date Night, Hall Pass, We Bought a Zoo, Barbershop 3, and others, and his voice has been featured in Ice Age 4 and The Smurfs 2.
Iris Bahr is an award-winning writer, actor, director, and producer. She has written two humorous memoirs: Dork Whore, about her travels through Asia, and Machu My Picchu, about her adventures through South America and Brown University. Having appeared on numerous TV shows, Bahr is best known for her recurring role on Curb Your Enthusiasm, where she plays the Orthodox Jewish Girl that gets stuck on a ski lift with Larry David, and her cable series Svetlana, executive produced alongside Mark Cuban, which she also wrote and directed. Her critically acclaimed solo show “DAI (enough)” had a hit run Off-Broadway and has toured around the world. and won the prestigious Lucille Lortel Award for Best Solo Performance, as well as two Drama Desk and UK Stage Award nominations. As a stand-up comic, Iris has performed both in the US and abroad, and was chosen as one of the New Faces at the Montreal Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. She performs regularly in New York City.