An Excerpt from WHAT TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU ARE FORGETTING

Anyone who has ever sheltered at home for an approaching snowstorm or hurricane is no stranger to the uncertainty, anxiety, and mild dread that provokes. How long will the storm last? Will the electricity go out? Do you have enough food and water in the pantry? Will your house weather the storm? While we have no control over Mother Nature, we do our best to prepare by stocking up on nutritious food and clean water, and making sure the windows and roof of our home are in good condition; we huddle around the fire and take comfort in the warmth and safety of family.

 

Like an approaching storm, early-stage dementia is a prompt to stock up on life’s essentials. Having a mental pantry stocked up with good, healthy memories is part of this preparation and will go a long way in weathering any storm. Along with building new positive memories, we must also examine our stockpile of old memories—especially those buried or hidden by our subconscious—that deserve to be consumed now or discarded altogether.

 

If there is one piece of advice that I can give to a person who just learned they have early-stage Alzheimer’s disease, it’s to travel, spend time with loved ones, deep dive into a hobby, and make the most of their life. To truly experience the heights of joy or the depths of sorrow, one needs access to a lifetime of memories. Squandering the priceless, dwindling commodity that is lucid time is particularly wasteful when one has a fading memory.

 

It might seem counterintuitive when I say that early-stage AD is an optimal time to build new memories. To be sure, people with early-stage dementia are likely to encounter challenges accessing certain short-term memories, but this does not mean they can no longer form long-term memories. Though it will take a bit more effort and the finer details of events and conversations may escape notice, meaningful memories can still be made during this period, so make them count!

 

Crossword puzzles and sudoku are good ways to keep the mind active as we age. But if words and numbers aren’t your thing, there are many other activities that are cognitively stimulating, challenging, and interesting. Visual, verbal, and visuospatial are specific types of memory that involve distinct brain regions. Activities that can help practice memory skills include:

 

One of the silver linings of having dementia, my patients tell me, is the opportunity to let go of unpleasant memories. Indeed, countless families have told me how their forgetful loved one seems to have become more calm, content, and loving after they released certain memories that previously evoked sadness, anger, or anxiety. While our society puts a lot of value into remembering everything, in reality there are things that are best forgotten. I have treated many patients in the moderate to late stages of Alzheimer’s disease who develop sleep difficulty, become agitated for no apparent reason, or become suddenly combative when a family member or friend walks in the room. While these can certainly come from progression of the disease, I believe that another cause could be unresolved conflicts the person has with people who may not even be aware of their existence. A hurtful comment from years ago or an incident long forgotten can resurface and elicit a sudden rush of emotions. Early-stage dementia is indeed a good time to bring up and try to resolve unpleasant, uncomfortable, or inconvenient memories that we may have buried in the recesses of our consciousness. Think about it like spring cleaning of our emotional self by seeking peace and resolution of old conflicts. While the intact mind can consciously suppress these memories, once dementia progresses, these memories and the negative feelings associated with them can bubble up to the surface at any time. There is indeed no better time to forgive and to ask for forgiveness, to heal old wounds, and to reconnect severed ties.