CHAPTER 1

Nothing Lasts Forever

I suspect you already know that nothing lasts forever. Take, for example, the global toilet paper shortage of 2020. Once the stay-at-home order was issued during the Covid-19 pandemic, fear triggered homebound people to get creative. So, they created the toilet paper-filled panic rooms of their dreams. These early shoppers mounded piles of toilet paper in their shopping carts, raced to the register, then rushed their stuffed vehicles home. They attempted to hoard their way to security, an effort to make toilet paper last forever. Seeing this, other shoppers raced to score what was left. Social media and funny memes swiftly emphasized this scarcity, which encouraged yet another wave of hoarding shoppers. When latecomers were faced with those empty store shelves, where toilet paper used to be, they were shocked! Believe it or not, many people thought that toilet paper would always be available. Empty-handed shoppers were left dumbfounded and muttering, “Why me?”

For decades I have enthusiastically acted as a spiritual and material support to students, communities, fellow monastics, and laypeople. Based on my many years of counseling troubled people I’ve noticed that when something terrible happens to someone, the first question that most people seem to ask is, “Why me?” Of course, if something good happens in their life—for example, winning a million dollars in the lottery—they do not ask, “Why me?” Instead, they joyfully accept their good fortune and announce, “I am so lucky; I have lots of money to spend! I’m sure to be happy now!” That’s the way we judge our circumstances. We’re happy when things go our way and unhappy when they don’t. But is it helpful to take the good and reject the bad? Life inevitably has both good and bad circumstances. Furthermore, asking “why me” does not help you resolve the problem. It is like asking, “Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?” You will never know the answer. So why ponder such questions? The next time you encounter something terrible, do not ask, “Why me?” Instead, ask yourself, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Because both questions are equally ineffectual.

It’s so easy to fall prey to the “why me” voice of self-pity in your head, but I implore you to instead accept the reality of the problem, just as it is. It’s empowering to take accountability for the issues in your life. If you accept your dire circumstances, you can transform problematic matters and in turn apply suitable solutions. First, you must genuinely believe the fundamental truth of impermanence. You must understand that life is always changing and that nothing lasts forever. Not even toilet paper. However, simply hearing about the truth of change and having an intellectual understanding that nothing lasts forever is not enough. You must live your life as though nothing lasts forever. That is why part of this book's mission is to help free you of feeling stuck in your hardships and stuck with the useless question of “why me?”

A Reason for Hope

It’s important to muster up the courage and accept the reality of your life just as it unfolds. In truth, just being alive is a great adventure. You will have all sorts of good experiences, but you will also encounter some unwelcome surprises. Some surprises might even seem devastating. Still, one thing is certain: there is always hope because everything is temporary. You, and everything you encounter, are between a hello and a goodbye. Change is inevitable. The sooner you can accept this reality, the sooner you can stop asking “why me” and instead face your problems so you can find real solutions.

When we flesh out the cause of the toilet paper shortage, many of us become terrified of the immutable truth that nothing lasts forever. The truth is that everything is constantly changing. But another unwavering truth is that you are much more intelligent than your fears. Subconsciously, you know for a fact that change is valuable. For example, the pandemic lockdown of 2020 determined my food choices. Since my lockdown occurred in a monastery in Nepal, I was left eating whatever was in the communal pantry. We had simple foods like instant noodles or rice for every meal. My mind was grateful for the food but my weary tastebuds tired of the same meals for months on end. A change couldn't come sooner! Fortunately, the lockdown did not last forever, so now I can genuinely appreciate a variety of foods. I will enjoy the variety while I can and will do so even more knowing that it is fleeting, like life itself. We should all feel so fortunate that things don't last forever. Can you imagine eating the same food forever? Would even your favorite food remain your favorite if you had to eat it forever? Imagine eating just cheese pizza, or my favorite, the impossible burger, forever! Fortunately, we live in a phenomenal world that is filled with change. Change, as well as the variety it brings, makes our mortal existence more enjoyable.

The rainbow is a symbol of hope. There would be no colorful rainbow if it weren't for the rain. You must weather the storm to even glimpse a rainbow. The weather is a perfect example of the variety and surprises your life holds. Surely you have noticed that lately, this variety has been more varied than expected, with fire tornados, orange skies, raining ash, deep freezes in the desert, molten rock streams, tropical snow, as well as houses and cars floating downstream. This all sounds like the stuff of science fiction, but this is part of the dynamic, ever-changing world we are living in.

In mid-February 2021, in the United States, the typically temperate state of Texas plummeted into an unexpected and lengthy deep freeze. The electrical grid, household pipes, and water resources were no match for the polar vortex. Infrastructure failures left more than 4.5 million Texas homes without power and resulted in 246 deaths. The events in Texas were catastrophic, but like the rainbow, there was hope! The snow melted and the utilities returned, giving Texans a chance to acknowledge the problems they faced, repair the issues, and weatherize properly. Even though the calamity with the Texas power grid will not be easily resolved, it brought awareness to a life-threatening problem so that helpful changes can be made. If you accept the reality of your troubles, change will help to change you. You have an incredible, natural ability to meet and adapt to the challenges of your life simply by accepting your problems and then evolving with the changes. You must take responsibility for your own world and rest your mind in the fact that no matter how great the storm, a colorful rainbow of hope awaits you.

Change provides surprises and diversity; just as no two faces are exactly the same, no two life experiences are the same. Furthermore, your face will change over time, and your life experience will alter, too. Transformation is inevitable—that is why the first part of taking charge of your life is adopting the understanding that life itself is subject to change. Life, without a doubt, will end in death. As a fact, you will pass away one day, as so many have before you. I urge you not to overly focus on the finality part, however, and instead focus on healthy ways to live so you can appreciate your life's journey right here and right now.

You need to be practical and know what is of benefit to your life so that when you are on your deathbed, you can say, "I had a happy life that was worth living." I can't stress the importance of this enough! Too many people waste their lives either depressed from clinging to unpleasant encounters in their past or anxiously pondering what might happen in the unforeseeable future. While it may not be apparent at first, both of these emotional dispositions are self-centered. Instead of thinking so much about yourself and your inevitable end, I invite you to consider the changing world around you. Nothing that is in your present experience will last forever. Not one object, not one feeling, not one circumstance, not your perception, and not even awareness will stay the same. But I assure you, reformation is your rainbow of hope. If you entirely accept the inevitability of change, you can undoubtedly endure the fleeting, painful parts of your life.

Believing that nothing lasts forever is one of those things that is easier said than done. Imagine you just purchased a brand-new smartphone or any other piece of current technology that you've had your eye on for some time. Furthermore, you have always wanted something state of the art like this, and now you finally have the money to purchase it. As you do for most new things, you quickly become overly attached to this gadget and its services. How would you feel if something unexpected happened to your brand-new gadget? How would you feel if the screen cracked, if it fell into water, or if it simply wouldn't fully charge? Even if something minor happens to it, you're more than likely to turn irritable and unhappy. But if you simply reminded yourself of the truth that nothing lasts forever, you would not get so agitated when something like this happens. You would understand that it is natural for things to alter over time. When you contemplate the reality of change, your mind will begin to expect it, and you won't feel as surprised. As a result, you'll be far more relaxed when something breaks or gets lost.

Perhaps you're okay with things around you changing. Maybe you don’t feel so invested in your gadgets. But are you all right with the changes you see in the mirror? Are you okay when there is a change in your health, your pain level, or your mobility? Some people are heavily attached to their bodies and have a tough time enduring the unavoidable changes it undergoes over the years. When you are too attached to your body, you tend to have a corresponding notion that your body is the same as it was in the past and has remained unchanged over time. Sometimes this leads to taking up an age-inappropriate manner of dress and behavior. But frankly, neither youthful clothing nor behavior can stop the aging process—only perhaps disguise it a little.

If you're fortunate to live a long life, it's just a matter of time before a stranger offers you a senior discount. Someone might point out that they are grandparents, too, or simply mention that your hair is a little more salt than pepper. If you are attached to your age and someone merely hints at the fact that you are growing old, that alone could be enough to make you consider plastic surgery. Seeing your body age may make you quite upset. Age-attached persons refuse to acknowledge the truth of just how much their body has changed. If you are age-attached, it may be challenging for you, but it's in your best interest to accept the reality of how old you are. After all, only things like cheese improve with age. As your body becomes fragile over time, it needs even more excellent care. Accepting your age, respecting your limitations, and caring for your aging body is an act of kindness toward yourself and your loved ones.

Acceptance of the truth is critical to the development of joy! How can you feel happy if you're stuck in a web of lies? From this point forward, I encourage you to accept the truth of the temporary nature of things, including the hardships that you may encounter in life. When you are in the thick of your troubles, don’t make matters worse for yourself by struggling with the truth. Accept your circumstances and cease to believe that the hardships, and the suffering these troubles cause, are indefinite. Don’t cave into your worries. Your incessant worrying results in deceptive mental fables, negative inner dialogue, and even greater suffering. If you feel trapped in your troubles, the practice at the end of this chapter can help you.

The Clouds of Emotion

I have observed that those suffering from a bout of depression are especially prone to assuming that their hardships and sufferings are hopelessly permanent. Even mild depression has an obscuring quality that makes it even harder to accept the truth of change. It makes you feel like you'll never be free from whatever troubles you encounter, so it takes more effort to see the fleeting nature of hardship. But I have a strong wish for those of you who feel stuck in your depression: please rest assured that improvement is a certainty! Hope is a solid reality. Although they may seem permanent to you, these hopeless feelings of insecurity and sadness are like temporary clouds in the sky. While these clouds of emotion obscure the sun, the truth of change, it still shines brightly behind. Your difficulties needn’t feel permanent. When you feel emotionally stuck, committing to a strong practice of contemplating impermanence can help lift your mind from the clouds of sadness. As a word of caution, if after such a practice you still feel hopelessly entrenched in depression, please accept the reality of the problem by seeking appropriate professional care. Clinical depression is a serious medical matter that can be addressed with the right treatment. Once under treatment, ask your physician if this sort of practice is advisable.

Please keep in mind that change is inevitable. You needn’t feel trapped in negative emotions regardless of how awful existence seems because nothing is permanent. You can take charge of the improvements you wish to see. If you accept reality just as it is, you will encourage your mind to seek realistic alternatives. Focus on the inevitability of change and be extra kind to yourself. Any problem you face and the resulting hurt that you feel, no matter how strong, will pass as sure as clouds part and the sun shines again.