Do you find yourself in the middle of the stairs, unable to remember if you're going up or down? Is there a fire truck on standby when your birthday candles are lit? If you've ever thought "things were different when I was a kid", you need to accept that you're old. You're so old. Really, really old.
Don't fight it, embrace it. Buy those slippers! Take that nap! You're old as heck, and nothing's going to stop you.