I Wish I Never Met You

Dating the Shiftless, Stupid, and Ugly A Novel

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About The Book

Preston the Project Mishap
Ernest the Undercover Sugarbooty
Marvin the Married Man-Boy
Forrest the Foul Fiancé
What single woman hasn't been desperate enough to risk it all in an attempt to find True Love? Vulnerable enough to believe in the whole girl-meets-boy, girl-and-boy-fall-in-love, the-two-live-happily-ever-after, blah, blah, blah? News flash: It never happens that way. Eventually, a girl learns that the road to Mr. Right is littered with more than a few Mr. No Ways.
I Wish I Never Met You is the hilarious, uncensored confession of one woman, reeling from a lifetime of dating disasters -- the blind dates, the nightclub crawlers, the ballers, the liars, and the ugly but earnest suitors. As she tries to sort out what she's learned from the heartache and the embarrassments, she'll have you laughing out loud, thanking God it's not your life while recognizing that you've made all the same mistakes.

Excerpt
Chapter One: One Night Only

There are those of us who love to go out and socialize. Toast with good alcohol. Dance to good music. Puff on good cigars. And, if appropriate, meet good potential mates. When the right encounter occurs, we unattached individuals are convinced that things will go from the exchanging of phone numbers to the first call to the first date to the first kiss to the first time to the first anniversary to the first wedding RSVP to the first baby carriage. Right?

Wrong. Doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes we may approach someone and not get any conversation whatsoever. If we do, we may not get the digits. If we do, we may not get the returned phone call. If we do, we may not get the first date. If we do, it may be a disaster. If it is, we never make it to the kiss, the sex, the wedding, or the baby carriage.

Then there are those of us who get tired of the random party scene. We are looking for an alternate route. So we abandon the barren bars and corny clubs. We decide to talk to family, friends, co-workers, and churchgoers to find out whether or not they know a good, compatible person to introduce us to. We listen closely to our options. We take our pick. We sit on the edge of our seats and wait for that initial phone call or e-mail. One of the two occurs. We love the conversation or message exchange. We anticipate that first date. We pray that this could be it. But what if it isn't?

If it isn't, we decide to hit the party scene again. But on a different level this time. We attend only events that are being thrown by someone we know. That way we already have an idea of what types will be in attendance. Hopefully we trust, admire, and respect the host or hostess. If we do, then we eagerly assume that the majority of his or her guests will be worthy of the same adulation. If we meet someone interesting, the ability to obtain a reliable reference is there. In case things don't work out with the person we've selected, we take mental notes of other options so we can ask about them later. But considering the faith that we've put into the host or hostess, we have already assumed that our first choice will probably work out. Probably is the operative word here.

If things don't work out, then we get tired of all forms of socialization. Period. All parties become superfluous. All matchmaking options have been exhausted. We decide to end our quest altogether. We stick to our regular routine and stop going out of our way to meet someone. But we still secretly hope that we'll experience a close encounter at the gas station, grocery store, health club, or church. That way, after telling everyone that we'd given up on relationships, we can lie and say that our furthest expectation was to find that special someone. We'd just been minding our business. Taking care of our affairs. Feeling content simply being alone. Then along came a miracle. Fate was on our side that day. Or was it?

As you will soon discover within the first three chapters of this book, nothing I just said really matters. It doesn't matter where or how you meet a person. Nothing is guaranteed. No territory is safe. The enemy could be lurking anywhere. Segregating sinners from do-gooders is illegal. So the boldest adulterers are still allowed to go to church. The most devious deceivers are still allowed to shop at the grocery store. The biggest liars are still allowed to work out at the gym. And the most despicable individuals are still allowed to befriend our matchmakers and pull off an unsuitable hookup.

I've run the gamut. I've been through it all. The parties, the matchmaking, the subconscious searches, and the letdowns. The situations where eager anticipation lasts so much longer than the actual event. How did I get through all of these ill-fated encounters and learn to prevent similar situations from occurring? Turn the page and find out.

Copyright © 2004 by Denise N. Wheatley
Product Details
  • Publisher: Touchstone (August 2004)
  • Length: 224 pages
  • ISBN13: 9780743250566

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