One of the world’s foremost practitioners of insult comedy, Jeffrey Ross has memorably and uproariously roasted some of our favorite celebrities. Part memoir and part how-to guide, I Only Roast the Ones I Love unveils the irreverent secrets every successful roastmaster should know, such as how to:
• Write roast jokes
• Turn any event into a roast your friends will never forget
• Rip your honoree a new one without hurting their feelings
• Save yourself if you bomb
• Prepare yourself to take a punch
• Give toasts at family gatherings
• Save lives through roasting
Jeff’s hilarious and poignant stories feature everyone from Dave Chappelle and Courtney Love to Tom Cruise and Bea Arthur and take readers backstage for unforgettable roasts of stars like Pamela Anderson, Flavor Flav, William Shatner, Shaquille O’Neal, Larry the Cable Guy, Bob Saget, and even the finalists of Dancing with the Stars. Most of all, Jeff’s teachings will inspire you to channel your own inner roastmaster.
I Only Roast the Ones I Love INSULTRODUCTION MY NAME IS JEFFREY ROSS, but I am commonly known as the Roastmaster General. I’m not entirely sure how I got this title, but it has stuck and I am proud of it. Most stand-up comics are self-deprecating. I’m all-deprecating. Sure, I occasionally make fun of myself—but I specialize in making fun of others. I’m what is commonly known as an insult comic. Diss is my life.
I never planned on making fun of people for a living. It happened by accident. In fact, my whole life has been a series of happy and not-so-happy accidents that have transformed me into the black belt in busting balls that I am today. I am very fond of my reputation, but I must admit that it’s a blessing and a curse. I may make a nice living—but every now and then somebody wants to kill me.
With this book I offer you my philosophies of roasting, which are also my principles for a better life. If you adapt these principles to your own experiences, they will surely help guide your journey through an increasingly harsh world.
JEFFREY ROSS is feared and revered for his appearances at celebrity roasts. In fact, making fun of people is a way of life for Jeffrey Ross. Called “an heir apparent to such old-school masters as Buddy Hackett and Rodney Dangerfield” by the New York Times, Ross has memorably and uproariously roasted many of America’s favorite stars. His first book, I Only Roast The Ones I Love: Busting Balls Without Burning Bridges will be released in September by Simon Spotlight Entertainment, a division of Simon & Schuster. Jeff also stars in a popular Comedy Central stand-up DVD and CD, “Jeffrey Ross: No Offense – Live From New Jersey”, as well as an award-winning documentary he directed about his experience entertaining U.S. troops in Iraq titled, “Patriot Act: A Jeffrey Ross Home Movie.” Jeff divides his time between New York City, Los Angeles, and the road.