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Table of Contents
About The Book
In 1983, Ben Appel is born into the Lamb of God, a Christian covenant community in Maryland. From an early age, his gender nonconformity is evident, and he is made to feel sinful and bad in God's eyes. When his parents’ marriage crumbles and his family is exiled from the sacred community, Ben is thrust into the real world, which he finds to be even less tolerant of “girly” boys than the Lamb of God.
Unable to reconcile his gay identity with his religious programming, he prays obsessively for God’s forgiveness and self-medicates with drugs and alcohol. Within a few years, his inner demons drive him to the edge of mental and emotional collapse.
Later, in recovery, Ben rebuilds his life and finds a new calling in LGBT activism, setting him on a path to the Ivy League and a hopeful career as a journalist. Finally, at the late age of thirty-three, he enters Columbia University, eager to join his progressive peers in their fight against right-wing authoritarianism. Yet he soon discovers that he has joined a new “sacred” community, one as conformist as the Christian cult of his childhood and as cruel as his middle school bullies. Even more frightening than this mob’s so-called progressive mentality is its rigid ideology—an illiberal orthodoxy that threatens the very principles of freedom and equality.
For resisting indoctrination into this new progressive cult—the Cult of Queer—Ben will once again face the shame and loneliness of excommunication. Only this time he will discover that true freedom can be found on the other side of exile, in a celebration of genuine diversity based on hard-won individual identity.
Product Details
- Publisher: Bombardier Books (November 4, 2025)
- Length: 336 pages
- ISBN13: 9781637586280
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Raves and Reviews
“A fascinating and horrifying look at how the social justice sausage is made.”
– Konstantin Kisin
“This excellent book provides one of the clearest arguments to date as to how we must view gender ideology as a cult. Ben Appel writes with humor, compassion, and, refreshingly, a little righteous anger.”
– Julie Bindel
“In this courageous memoir, Ben Appel recounts his journey from a fundamentalist Christian cult to a queer Ivy League subculture, highlighting the unsettling parallels between these two seemingly contrasting worlds. Challenged to reevaluate his deeply rooted beliefs, he grows increasingly alarmed about the psychological and physical harm radical gender ideology is inflicting on young gay people. Having broken free from two forms of mental captivity, Appel underscores the vital importance of something all too rare: thinking for oneself.”
– James Kirchick, Author of Secret City: The Hidden History of Gay Washington
“Rare are the men who exhibit the kind of stouthearted strength to stand up and cut against the grain when it costs them. Rarer still are those who show the steely resolve and go to great lengths to describe what they have seen in luminous detail so that others may understand. Appel has done both with his bright writing, and he more than deserves a hearing.”
– The Christian Post
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Book Cover Image (jpg): Cis White Gay
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