Sick of our flaccid twenty-first century, with its flavored coffees, electric cars, and spoiled lap dogs? Wishing you could get what you want, when you want it? Perhaps you dream of trading in that restrictive tie for a liberating loin cloth? The solution is simple: Just ask yourself, What Would a Barbarian Do? (WWBD?). With this primitive procedure, great men have altered the course of history (and hilarious B movies) for thousands of years. Return to the simplicity of yore with this back-to-basics primer on bloody revenge, furry pants, and true caveman cuisine. Let renowned scholar Dr. Byron Clavicle and real-life barbarian Grüte Skullbasher tell you how to crush your enemies, settle rent disputes with the barbarian counting system (one, two…many!), find a proper name and title that will put you at the top of the Manly Scale of Name Masculinity, and snare a chain-mail-bikini-wearing Amazon! With just a few thousand calories a day and a commitment to pillaging and plundering, you too can put yourself on the path to an authentic barbarian lifestyle! Features Include: - How to Dress Like a Barbarian - The Barbarian Aptitude Test (B.A.T.) - How to Make a Barbarian Movie - Great Barbarian Accomplishments - Barbarian Bible Stories - Grüte Skullbasher’s Response to the Great Western Philosophers . . . and much, much more!
Grüte Skullbasher is a Bunglorian barbarian king and the Dean of Discipline at a prominent Ivy League university. When not slaughtering his enemies, he enjoys eating rare meat and having sex on animal pelts. He lives wherever he wants to and may soon occupy your home.
Dr. Byron Clavicle is the acclaimed author of over 4,000 works of academic scholarship in the field of Barbarian Studies. His most recent books include Crushing Your Enemies for Fun and Profit and Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Yaks (But Were Afraid to Ask). He is hard at work on a tween novel, Latex Sluts vs. Zombie Frankenstein. He lives in Venice, California.