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About The Book
A true story about the ways loss can transform us into the people we want to become.
“What Looks Like Bravery is a gorgeous, tender, and beautiful book. I'm in tears with the happy-sad truth and beauty of it. Laurel is a magnificent writer.” —Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author of Wild
Laurel Braitman spent her childhood learning from her dad how to out-fish grown men, keep bees, and fix carburetors. Diagnosed young with terminal cancer, he raced against the clock to leave her the skills she’d need to survive without him. This was one legacy. Another was relentless perfectionism and the belief that bravery meant never acknowledging your own fear.
By her mid-thirties Laurel is a ship about to splinter on the rocks, having learned the hard way that no achievement can protect her from pain or remove the guilt and regret her dad’s death leaves her with. So, she determines to explore her troubled internal wilderness by way of some big exterior ones—Northern New Mexico, Western Alaska, her Tinder App. She finds help from a wise birder in the Bering Sea, a few dozen grieving kids, and a succession of smart teachers who convince her that you cannot be brave if you’re not scared. Along the way, she faces a wildfire that threatens everyone and everything she cares about and is forced by life to say another wrenching goodbye long before she wants to. This time she may not be ready, but she’s prepared. Joy in the wake of loss, she learns, isn’t possible despite the hardest things that happen to us, but because of the meaning we forge from them.
“What Looks Like Bravery is a gorgeous, tender, and beautiful book. I'm in tears with the happy-sad truth and beauty of it. Laurel is a magnificent writer.” —Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author of Wild
Laurel Braitman spent her childhood learning from her dad how to out-fish grown men, keep bees, and fix carburetors. Diagnosed young with terminal cancer, he raced against the clock to leave her the skills she’d need to survive without him. This was one legacy. Another was relentless perfectionism and the belief that bravery meant never acknowledging your own fear.
By her mid-thirties Laurel is a ship about to splinter on the rocks, having learned the hard way that no achievement can protect her from pain or remove the guilt and regret her dad’s death leaves her with. So, she determines to explore her troubled internal wilderness by way of some big exterior ones—Northern New Mexico, Western Alaska, her Tinder App. She finds help from a wise birder in the Bering Sea, a few dozen grieving kids, and a succession of smart teachers who convince her that you cannot be brave if you’re not scared. Along the way, she faces a wildfire that threatens everyone and everything she cares about and is forced by life to say another wrenching goodbye long before she wants to. This time she may not be ready, but she’s prepared. Joy in the wake of loss, she learns, isn’t possible despite the hardest things that happen to us, but because of the meaning we forge from them.
Reading Group Guide
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1. Laurel Braitman’s What Looks Like Bravery focuses on learning from experiences of loss and grief to make space for love and joy in your life. What initially drew you to this book?
2. How did your ideas of navigating grief and loss change over the course of reading What Looks Like Bravery? What themes or insights have stayed with you?
3. What lessons did Laurel learn from her father that contributed to her later strength and resilience in the face of more losses? What did she learn from her father that served her less well?
4. Throughout the book, how does Laurel use ambition, achievement, and the drive for success to avoid her more difficult feelings? Have you experienced this in your own life?
5. In the beginning of the book, Laurel’s father tells her that he is going to die and that “it’s probably going to be soon” (p. 30), before setting out to prepare her and her brother to survive without him. How did you feel after reading these impactful lines? How do you think Laurel’s dad’s preparation for his death inspired the themes and lessons of the book? Did that leave you with questions about how you might prepare for your own death or about people you’ve lost in the past?
6. Laurel initially feels shame when trying to communicate with Josh when they first meet, but in time, she sets boundaries and becomes more comfortable talking to him openly about their relationship. What helped Laurel to move forward without the shame and fear of disappointment? Who was she afraid of disappointing? What allowed Laurel to feel safe with Josh?
7. On page 182, Laurel mentions that “keeping the guilt” is what makes a part of us “die too.” What does Laurel mean by this? How might someone use this idea to face unexpected loss and the resulting grief?
8. When it comes to children playing and re-enacting moments of loss, Laurel writes that “if play was research then it was an essential kind” and that it would be “practice for the day we might be able to rescue the people who need us most, even if it’s ourselves.” (pg. 110) What might have brought Laurel to this conclusion?
9. What does “the parallel world” symbolize? (p. 229)
10. Earlier in the book, Laurel mentions that “nothing was harder than feeling the depths of [her] own heartbreak” (p. 101), but towards the end of the book, Laurel comes to accept loss to make room for love. What event or events ultimately helped Laurel come to this conclusion? What role does acceptance play in living with grief?
11. On page 251, Laurel writes that hope is “a trickster that transforms itself all the time,” but that hope is a powerful force in the face of illness. What do you think Laurel means by this statement? How has hope functioned for you in the face of the unknown? And how did your understanding of hope change after reading this section?
12. In your own words, what makes What Looks Like Bravery different from other books on grief, loss, and death? What event or lesson would you share with a friend?
13. Bravery is a significant theme throughout the book. For some time, Laurel thinks it’s one thing, but by the end of the book, she believes it’s something else altogether. Which moments or people in Laurel’s life embody the term “bravery” the most? How so?
14. How did your feelings or understanding about medical aid-in-dying change as you were reading the book?
15. How does Laurel’s handling of grief change during the events at the end of the book?
16. Many events in life can sometimes feel “happy-sad” or sometimes it can feel like the world offers us two or more conflicting feelings at once. How might your approach to bittersweet events change after reading this book?
2. How did your ideas of navigating grief and loss change over the course of reading What Looks Like Bravery? What themes or insights have stayed with you?
3. What lessons did Laurel learn from her father that contributed to her later strength and resilience in the face of more losses? What did she learn from her father that served her less well?
4. Throughout the book, how does Laurel use ambition, achievement, and the drive for success to avoid her more difficult feelings? Have you experienced this in your own life?
5. In the beginning of the book, Laurel’s father tells her that he is going to die and that “it’s probably going to be soon” (p. 30), before setting out to prepare her and her brother to survive without him. How did you feel after reading these impactful lines? How do you think Laurel’s dad’s preparation for his death inspired the themes and lessons of the book? Did that leave you with questions about how you might prepare for your own death or about people you’ve lost in the past?
6. Laurel initially feels shame when trying to communicate with Josh when they first meet, but in time, she sets boundaries and becomes more comfortable talking to him openly about their relationship. What helped Laurel to move forward without the shame and fear of disappointment? Who was she afraid of disappointing? What allowed Laurel to feel safe with Josh?
7. On page 182, Laurel mentions that “keeping the guilt” is what makes a part of us “die too.” What does Laurel mean by this? How might someone use this idea to face unexpected loss and the resulting grief?
8. When it comes to children playing and re-enacting moments of loss, Laurel writes that “if play was research then it was an essential kind” and that it would be “practice for the day we might be able to rescue the people who need us most, even if it’s ourselves.” (pg. 110) What might have brought Laurel to this conclusion?
9. What does “the parallel world” symbolize? (p. 229)
10. Earlier in the book, Laurel mentions that “nothing was harder than feeling the depths of [her] own heartbreak” (p. 101), but towards the end of the book, Laurel comes to accept loss to make room for love. What event or events ultimately helped Laurel come to this conclusion? What role does acceptance play in living with grief?
11. On page 251, Laurel writes that hope is “a trickster that transforms itself all the time,” but that hope is a powerful force in the face of illness. What do you think Laurel means by this statement? How has hope functioned for you in the face of the unknown? And how did your understanding of hope change after reading this section?
12. In your own words, what makes What Looks Like Bravery different from other books on grief, loss, and death? What event or lesson would you share with a friend?
13. Bravery is a significant theme throughout the book. For some time, Laurel thinks it’s one thing, but by the end of the book, she believes it’s something else altogether. Which moments or people in Laurel’s life embody the term “bravery” the most? How so?
14. How did your feelings or understanding about medical aid-in-dying change as you were reading the book?
15. How does Laurel’s handling of grief change during the events at the end of the book?
16. Many events in life can sometimes feel “happy-sad” or sometimes it can feel like the world offers us two or more conflicting feelings at once. How might your approach to bittersweet events change after reading this book?
About The Author
Photograph © Lauren Tabak
Laurel Braitman is the New York Times bestselling author of Animal Madness. She has a PhD from MIT in the history and anthropology of science and is the Director of the Writing and Storytelling Program at the Stanford University School of Medicine. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Guardian, Wired, and a variety of other publications. She lives between rural Alaska and her family’s citrus and avocado ranch in Southern California. She can be reached at LaurelBraitman.com.
About The Reader
Photograph © Lauren Tabak
Laurel Braitman is the New York Times bestselling author of Animal Madness. She has a PhD from MIT in the history and anthropology of science and is the Director of the Writing and Storytelling Program at the Stanford University School of Medicine. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Guardian, Wired, and a variety of other publications. She lives between rural Alaska and her family’s citrus and avocado ranch in Southern California. She can be reached at LaurelBraitman.com.
Product Details
- Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio (March 14, 2023)
- Runtime: 8 hours and 3 minutes
- ISBN13: 9781797155692
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Raves and Reviews
"Laurel Braitman has worked hard to get to a place of peace and self-awareness after years of ignoring the grief of losing her father to cancer. That knowledge imbues every word she speaks, resulting in a performance that further elevates her story. Even when she’s making lousy choices and oversharing them, her authenticity draws the listener in. Braitman has a fine voice and beautiful pacing, and she captures emotional depth like a professional. Her memoir is a love letter to her parents, both of whom are quirky, loving, and resolute. As an adult, Braitman volunteers at a center for grieving children, and those children are full of wisdom. She concludes that maybe there isn’t a happy-ever-after in life, but if you can get to happy-sad, that’s a pretty good outcome."
– AudioFile Magazine
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- Book Cover Image (jpg): What Looks Like Bravery Unabridged Audio Download 9781797155692
- Author Photo (jpg): Laurel Braitman Photograph © Lauren Tabak(0.1 MB)
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