Author Revealed

About Fowler DeWitt

Q. What is your birthdate?

A. 11/6

Q. Previous occupations

A. World explorer, bee keeper, electrician, xylophone speller.

Q. Favorite job

A. Dung beetle chef.

Q. High school and/or college

A. The school of hard knocks. I am morally opposed to formal schooling, as I find it difficult to learn in a tuxedo.

Q. Name of your favorite composer or music artist?

A. Given my infamous music allergies, I find this question insulting. I challenge you to a duel!

Q. Favorite movie

A. Roundhay Garden Scene, circa 1888.

Q. Favorite television show

A. I don't have time to watch TV – I'm late for my parachuting stuffing appointment!

Revealing Questions

Q. How would you describe your life in only 8 words?

A. Prickly.

Q. What is your motto or maxim?

A. Climb every mountain! But only at lunch time.

Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?

A. Laying on the pure white sands of the Volga, having narrowly avoided death by bull shark, yet still holding a backpack full of beef jerky.

Q. What’s your greatest fear?

A. Being eaten by a Bull Shark off the white sands of the Volga. Secondly, losing a backpack full of jerky.

Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?

A. Exactly where you are sitting right now, perhaps on your lap.

Q. With whom in history do you most identify?

A. Alexander Pearce: farmer, cannibal, criminal. Except I have never farmed.

Q. Which living person do you most admire?

A. Charles. I forget his last name.

Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?

A. "My God, I'm being chased by a bull shark."

Q. What do you regret most?

A. Alas, I should have packed her parachute more carefully. Forgive me, Caroline.

Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?

A. The ability to go back in time, and pack Caroline's parachute more carefully.

Q. What is your greatest achievement?

A. Did I mention avoiding bull shark bites while on the white sands of the Volga?

Q. What’s your greatest flaw?

A. I'm allergic to music.

Q. What’s your best quality?

A. Despite my natural curiousness, no cats have died because of me. I hold the world record in pumpkin tossing. I have never sneezed.

Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?

A. I would be a rare fringe-limbed tree frog, for obvious reasons.

Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?

A. I walk mostly on stilts.

Q. Who is your favorite fictional hero?

A. Abraham Lincoln (although many mistakingly think he was a real person).

Q. Who is your favorite fictional villain?

A. Santa Claus. Again, for obvious reasons.

Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?

A. "I say, William Howard Taft, the 27th President of the United States, can I have your mustache for my mustache collection?"

Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?

A. I have not received proper credit for discovering the rare radioactive substance known as Fowlerite.

Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?

A. Exploring the Volga river; going bull shark hunting.

Q. What’s your fantasy profession?

A. I sometimes profess to speak only Latin, to avoid conversations on ocean liners.

Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?

A. My ventriloquism talents; my ambidextrous nose; my supernatural ability to bend time and space.

Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?

A. Jerky.

Q. What are your 5 favorite songs?

A. Since I am allergic to music, I only rate songs based on how short they are. 1. The 1 Second Waltz 2. 2.3 Seconds of Trumpet Playing 3. Let's Count to 2! 4. Sing Along With the Man Who Doesn't Have a Mouth 5. Billy Burps

On Books and Writing

Q. Who are your favorite authors?

A. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Arthur Miller.Arthur C. ClarkeArthur Ashe.Marc Brown's AardvarkWait. Did you want my favorite Author or Arthur? Where did I put my monocles, anyway?

Q. What are your 5 favorite books of all time?

A. Of all time? From now until eternity? How should I know? Do I look like a time traveller to you?

Q. Is there a book you love to reread?

A. In Search of Lost Time, which I've read 87 times.

Q. Do you have one sentence of advice for new writers?

A. Before you write a book, make sure you read at least two of them.

Q. What comment do you hear most often from your readers?

A. "Can I borrow $10?"