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Lemony Snicket meets Roald Dahl in this riotously funny, deliciously macabre, and highly illustrated tale of a hungry beast, a vain immortal man, and a not-so-charming little girl who doesn’t know she’s about to be eaten.

Beauty comes at a price. And no one knows that better than Ebenezer Tweezer, who has stayed beautiful for 511 years. How, you may wonder? Ebenezer simply has to feed the beast in the attic of his mansion. In return for meals of performing monkeys, statues of Winston Churchill, and the occasional cactus, Ebenezer gets potions that keep him young and beautiful, as well as other presents.

But the beast grows ever greedier with each meal, and one day he announces that he’d like to eat a nice, juicy child next. Ebenezer has never done anything quite this terrible to hold onto his wonderful life. Still, he finds the absolutely snottiest, naughtiest, and most frankly unpleasant child he can and prepares to feed her to the beast.

The child, Bethany, may just be more than Ebenezer bargained for. She’s certainly a really rather rude houseguest, but Ebenezer still finds himself wishing she didn’t have to be gobbled up after all. Could it be Bethany is less meal-worthy and more…friend-worthy?

Photo by David Myers

Jack Meggitt-Phillips is an author, scriptwriter, and playwright whose work has been performed at The Roundhouse and featured on Radio 4. He is scriptwriter and presenter of The History of Advertising podcast. In his mind, Jack is an enormously talented ballroom dancer, however his enthusiasm far surpasses his actual talent. Jack lives in north London where he spends most of his time drinking peculiar teas and reading P.G. Wodehouse novels.

"British narrator Barnaby Edwards provides a well-modulated voice for Ebenezer Tweezer, a man who has stayed beautiful for five centuries by serving up meals to a Beast in exchange for a magic elixir. Edwards conveys Ebenezer's horror when the Beast decides his newest meal will be a plump, juicy child. Edwards captures Ebenezer's conflicted emotions as he gets to know Bethany, a child he chose because he thinks she deserves to be eaten. Fans of Roald Dahl and Lemony Snicket will enjoy the macabre humor as Edwards's Beast growls ridiculous demands. Several humorously outlandish characters create situations that allow Ebenezer to question his past actions as he comes closer to his own end."

– AudioFile Magazine