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Hexes for the Modern Age

Contemporary Curses for the People Who Irritate You the Most

By Val Brains

Let’s face it: most people irritate us. Hexes for the Modern Age is a tongue-in-cheek approach to giving these folks a taste of their own medicine. While inspired by witches’ curses of the past, this is a gift book of 120 funny spells specific to the smartphone-obsessed, overworked, hipster-drenched reality of the present day.

Organized by category—love, work, roommates, traffic, pets, weddings, and so on—each hex is accompanied by an irreverent, Demetri Martin–type line drawing.

Spells include:

  • “May you start turning into your parents way earlier than you expected.”
  • “May all the cords to your electronics become entangled in a massive death coil.”
  • “May a full-size parking space that appears to be open actually be taken up by a tiny Vespa scooter.”
  • “May you always have 3 percent phone battery when you have no idea where you’re going and it’s in the middle of nowhere and there’s no one else around.”

    And many, many more!

    This little book, with a spell and an illustration on every page, is perfect for anyone who wants some subtle modern-day revenge.

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    “Yes, it’s insightful. Yes, it’s funny. But most importantly, Hexes for a Modern Age explains a lot. I now know that the frequent and frustrating mishaps that shape my life are no accident . . .” —Ellis Rosen, New Yorker cartoonist and cartoon editor for Blunderbuss magazine

    “Genius! [This] book provides a busy modern woman like me with quick and easy hexes for every irritating person in my life. I have tried a few of them already and am very pleased with the results.” —Lydia Ortiz, illustrator for Teen Vogue and cat hoarder

    “With her witty and unreasonably effective debut tome, Val cements her status as everybody’s go-to sorceress. Toss your voodoo doll, you’ll never be at a loss for vengeance again.” —Gaia Cornwall, writer and illustrator of Jabari Jumps and gal-about-town

    “Spot on and hilarious. If I were good with hexes, I’d cast one on Val so she’d forget she wrote this and I could take it to my agent.” —David Ostow, award-winning illustrator of So Punk Rock (and Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother)

    "Revenge is a dish best served through these hilarious curses—topless selfies sent to the wrong person, or one lone pube found on your bar of soap. What are you waiting for? Make your shit list actionable!" —Rachel Federman, author of Test Your Dog's IQ:Genius Edition

    “Yes, it’s insightful. Yes, it’s funny. But most importantly, Hexes for a Modern Age explains a lot. I now know that the frequent and frustrating mishaps that shape my life are no accident . . .” —Ellis Rosen, New Yorker cartoonist and cartoon editor for Blunderbuss magazine

    “Genius! [This] book provides a busy modern woman like me with quick and easy hexes for every irritating person in my life. I have tried a few of them already and am very pleased with the results.” —Lydia Ortiz, illustrator for Teen Vogue and cat hoarder

    “With her witty and unreasonably effective debut tome, Val cements her status as everybody’s go-to sorceress. Toss your voodoo doll, you’ll never be at a loss for vengeance again.” —Gaia Cornwall, writer and illustrator of Jabari Jumps and gal-about-town

    “Spot on and hilarious. If I were good with hexes, I’d cast one on Val so she’d forget she wrote this and I could take it to my agent.” —David Ostow, award-winning illustrator of So Punk Rock (and Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother)

    "Revenge is a dish best served through these hilarious curses—topless selfies sent to the wrong person, or one lone pube found on your bar of soap. What are you waiting for? Make your shit list actionable!" —Rachel Federman, author of Test Your Dog's IQ:Genius Edition

    Hexes for the Modern Age

    Contemporary Curses for the People Who Irritate You the Most

    By Val Brains